An observation I am surely not the first to make is how incredibly fast the time is flying past. I was just getting ready for bed, putting face cream on and I thought "wasn't I just doing this?" Where did the day go? Just moments ago I was packing Kyle's lunch and putting around the house. What did I do all day? The days blend into weeks and weeks into months. It is kind of scary.
I remember being a kid and the days were endless. You would get up in the morning all bright eyed and the day would seem like anything was possible. Maybe you would ride your bike to the duck pond and pick blueberries and then go home and play kickball and blow bubbles and hit the tennis ball against the house. Then you could catch frogs and climb trees and chase the dog that escaped from the neighbors yard. After lunch you would complain that there is nothing to do. You would go around the neighborhood and gather your friends and play Charlie's Angels and Wizard of Oz. Then lay on the lawn and watch clouds and say what they looked like and watch the planes leave thin white trails in their wake. When your friends went home you might twirl the baton in the backyard and pretend you were in a parade and practice cartwheels which you never were very good at. After dinner you would need a bath because catching frogs can be pretty dirty business. Pajamas, maybe a board game with daddy, story and then bed.
As you get older, the days go by a little more quickly. As a teenager, time starts to be a little more elusive. You watch the clock in math class waiting for the bell to ring so you can see if he notices you in the hall. You can't wait for the weekends to sleep at your girlfriends and borrow her clothes for the party that night. You wish for the week to be over so you can sleep in and watch t.v. You look forward to summer vacation. You start the wishing away of time. Rushing through days to get to what you think matters.
I don't really know where the college years went. I fell in love and looked to the future of being out of school and getting married. I got married and couldn't wait to have babies. Alec was born and I savored the time a little bit more. He grew so fast I wanted to push a pause button. The newborn grew into a baby and the baby started walking and talking, and we tracked every milestone. But even then, how foolish I was, to wish for no more diapers, to wish for the baby to sleep through the night, to wish for the baby to say a word. All these wishes for time to pass to get to the next milestone, only to get there to wish for the next one.
My kids are now entering the teen and tween years and I can't believe my babies are grown. I sometimes hear myself saying I can't wait to be a grandmother. I wonder at this moment as I pat the cream around my face to prevent the signs of aging, when will I stop wishing for the time to fast forward? When I am a grandmother will I be able to savor the moments of their childhood? Will I wish for the next milestone?
Even though I do live in the moment for the most part, I have to stop worrying about the future and concentrate on getting it right, right now. I don't want to look back on these years and think I wished it all away. Even the parts that are difficult and seem to never end, will end. They will end and my now teenager will be a man and it is the time right now is what determines what kind of man he will be. I need to focus on now.
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