Rebuilding

Although I don't want to beat a dead horse, my life seems to be tied up in the well being of my teen son. I apologize if my blogs seem repetitive and just plain negative. The past few weeks have been up an down; the ups being that nothing bad happened that day, and the downs being a variety of issues. One of the prevalent issues has been dealing with the fact that Alec has been bullied at school. This is not really a new development. It has actually been going on in some form or another for years. It has only recently become an issue that we are dealing with rather than trying to have Alec to handle it on his own, because simply put-he wasn't. He would be called names and he would shrink. He would disappear. He has been doing this for a while and I believe it is a big reason of why he is in the low place he is now.

It is a law in Massachusetts now that the schools have to deal with bullying. It is a law that they provide students with a safe environment to learn. So, we have had meetings at the school to discuss how to stop the bullying. If you look at the situation, you realize that it is not a simple problem to resolve. There are kids that bully. They act this way for a number of reasons, maybe they are insecure and use posturing to gain a sense of power; maybe they want to look cool and think that by being mean they achieve this status. The list of reasons can go on and on. Just by telling them to stop doesn't mean they will. Then you have the victims. They may be kids who are shy and withdrawn and seem like an easy target, unlikely to take action; they may be different in appearance or behavior. Again, the list could go on.

We have tried for many years to get Alec to change his position in this equation. If he stood up to the bully he would not appear weak and an easy target. The other kids may look at him differently and the teasing would stop. He doesn't see this as an option, even at his almost 6 foot stature. No matter what we tell him, he continues to disappear. The school has spoken to the bullies and they now see Alec as a "snitch". So, what happens next? We need to rebuild the confidence and self esteem of a boy who has started to believe he is what they say. Our homework assignment -to make a list of the things we like about Alec and he to write a list for himself. It wasn't hard for me. Although he is a teen and going through a "phase" I am not particularly fond of, he still encompasses great human qualities, such as compassion and empathy. His list is blank. He cannot think of one thing he likes about himself. I suppose we are all a work in progress, some just have farther to go.